To Life, To love

Randomness in plastic tights

2009-01-27T16:27:00.000-08:00

So just the other second,
the one that just past
I was thinking of something,
hoping it might last
A thought, a spark, a moment more
But alas, a memory fell to the floor

These quiet ramblings are simple thoughts for the day,
filled with no purpose
with nothing more to say
Words can be fun, laughter anew
and using them thusly creates a stew

So with nothing of importance,
but a portly smile
I bid all adieu again
in a clear vile
This may have been of lower heights
But its nothing more than randomness in plastic tights

Three Things

2008-09-23T12:48:00.000-07:00

Hap, here goes nothing!

3 Joys:
My Wife
My Unborn Baby
A peaceful walk in an uncharted wood

3 Fears:
Becoming a Daddy and being entrusted with another's life
Standing still in comfort, when there's an adventure to be had
Snakes. I hate snakes

3 Goals:
To one day be involved in planting a church, primarily as the lead pastor
To raise a child/children that will one day serve the Lord and teach their old dad a thing or two
To faithfully serve this generation of students in SW Minnesota

3 Current Obsessions:
Lost (Hooray for syndication. 4 hrs every Monday night!!! Yeah for Sci Fi channel)
Football (Come on, it's fall and I'm a guy. Go Vikes!)
Harry Potter (The books. So much better than the flicks)

3 Random/Suprising Facts:
I need a haircut bad!
I was the first one in my class in Jr. High to earn a Varsity Letter
To my knowledge, I have never had the Chicken Pox.

3 Thinks I know I know (My addition)
I am not alone in this life.
I am not God.
I am is.

There you go! If you are reading this and haven't done this before, consider yourself tagged next. Leave a comment if you do continue this, I'd love to see who actually reads this.

Finding Some Dynamite

2008-09-07T14:05:00.000-07:00

So there's a verse that has rattled around in my mind this past week. God brought me to a section in the book of Isaiah and sat me down there for the week. The verse is simply this:

Those who walk uprightly, enter into peace;
they find rest as they walk into death.
-Isaiah 57:2

It's simplicity caught me offguard. I think I read it 3 or 4 times before my mind truly began to sink it in. It is, I believe, a summary of life. That is to say, God is saying, those that live as I intstruct them, this is their experience.

Those who walk uprightly enter into peace;

No, it's not a jab at our evolutionary step above the chimps, two legs does not mean you walk uprightly. It sums up those who do life the right way, those who live according to the standard that God gave us through the life we recieved from His Son. It speaks to a perpetual trajectory of our live's path towards God. It's God proclaiming, I have something special for those that follow me all their days. My mind drifts to the life of Orlando Tesch. Orlando is a man that I grew up around in my younger days. He is now probably in his 80s. But he was a picture of what it means to be a man after God's own heart. He lived his life, and continues to live his life as a picture of what it means to follow after God's heart. My mind drifts to the life of Ted Salonek. Ted is a farmer in my hometown. He is a passionate, committed man in everything he does. He has a very calming sense about him, yet there is no messing around with Ted. In high school several of us had the opportunity to sit under him and learn from his wisdom. He is a picture of a man that walks upright, following hard after the LORD. These are simply two of many examples that I have had of lives that are lived uprightly. Sat up against mine, I wonder if I am living uprightly, if I am living up to the standard that God has called me to live. It spurs in me a desire to discipline, a desire to consecrate myself unto the LORD, to commit myself once again to follow after Him. I am a passionate individual, yet passion without perserverance is nothing more than a lit fuse with no dynamite, there is a lot of fizzle in anticipation, but there's no bang.

It is a life lived in that manner that can rest in the peace of God. It is those that are committed to following after Christ, that find the peace of Christ. It is those individuals, who recognize who they are, or rather whose they are, that are unshaken by the turmoil of life. Now, mind you, it doesn't say that those who live uprightly will never experience life's turmoil. It says that those who live uprightly will enter into peace. It is peace that the Spirit brings to those that are committed to following after Him. It is not an easy life that one is given, but the peace of God in order to stand firm when the world seems to be turned upside down on top of you. That is the calm spirit I desire. A spirit that is able to rest in His peace in the midst of life's most troubled circumstances. I want that peace to be my peace.

they find rest as they walk into death.

That is so assuring, yet so confusing at the same time. I am the first to admit, though I know where I'm going, there is something about death that is still scary. Not because I don't know what will happen, but because it simply is the end of a chapter. When that day comes so many look back and regret. They regret they didn't spend more time with their families, or didn't achieve all the goals they worked towards. They regret that they wasted so many days on the futile things, seeking after that which didn't last. Yet there are those, who have lived as God has called them. When they reach their death beds, you find them being more of a comfort to those around them then ladened with regret. It's as if those who have walked in a manner worthy of the LORD know that their commission is over. They, as Paul said, have fought the good fight. They have won the race. Their lives have exploded. They found that their lives' fuse were connected to the biggest pile of dynamite known to man. They recognized that if their life was a fuse, God was their dynamite. They lived in such a way that God exploded through them, and at life's end, they know they saw an amazing fireworks display. That is the kind of end I crave. That is what I want my life to be. I want to be able to, at the end of my days, say that I lived in such a way that God exploded in my world!

Knowing He has exploded in my world, that I have completed the work He had given me, I can race into His arms and experience His rest. That is how I want to leave this world, experiencing the Holy Spirit's rest.

What holds me back?

As I've thought about it, I like stuff! I like stuff! Rather I love this world. As much as I am committed to following after God and know that the next world is going to be so much more, there is a piece, rather a majority of my flesh that is still in love with this world. It saddens my heart that man couldn't live in God's freedom the first time through, because God's given us some pretty creative minds and I love experiencing all of it! I love technology and the cool creativity that is shown through it. I love people and spending time with them. I love nature, and the beauty of God's creation. I love food, the smells, flavors and all that goes with them. I am in love with life. That, I believe, is what holds me back. Death still brings a stigma of saying goodbye to some of that stuff. I know that what's on the other side it twice as nice, but it's like I'm not ready to say goodbye.

So that's just a glimpse into what God is working on in me. He's showing me, once again, that the explosion is all Him and that when the time comes for me to go, it won't be until He calls me home. Until then, I will enjoy life to the fullest, because life is something to be enjoyed as God's gift to us.

One Nightscape

2008-08-25T14:13:00.000-07:00

So here I am, out of the big city, away from the bright lights, yet still I wonder the city streets.

A couple nights ago I took a walk. It's about 10pm and Ash had gone to bed, so it's just me, the darkness and the night sky. I was excited to get to see the night sky. It's one of the simple amazing realities of life that you lose in a big city simply because there is to much of life's lights around.

So I walk down my street a couple blocks and I'm out of town, like farmland out of town. Unlucky for me, I decided to walk under a full moon, so I might as well have had the big city lights to flood the sky. The night sky was almost as bright as daylight, so the vastness of the stary host was mitigated to a similar sky to that of suburban life. Yet still I continued on.

I walked another quarter-mile or so, just enough to come to the first farmhouse outside town. There just happened to be an old graveyard just before this house. My mind chuckled as it thought this is the beginning of a bad scary movie.

So as I walk by this house there is a grove of trees, not quite a full forest, but enough to cast a significant shadow on the country road my feet traveled. So I stopped in the shadow and looked up, hoping that the shade of the trees would provide some relief from the lunar light pollution.

I stood there for about two minutes or so and that is when it came over me. I started to see, in my mind a giant, brown hair wildly covered animal, bigger than a grizzly bear, with teeth more terrifying than any animal I've ever seen. It's jagged edges burned in the mind's eye as it seemed to creep towards me. I could hear it's roar in my mind's ear. It was at that moment that my entire body froze up in fear. Sheer terror ran through my veins, as if my blood was drained and replaced by some sort of stiff liquid. I could not move. I could hear Dr. Alan Grant's words in my head, "Stay still and it won't see you." Yet my heart finally started pumping blood again and my legs, as if they were acting independently, began to make their way back to the town edge.

Slowly their pace quickened, until all of a sudden I found myself about half way back to town, on the other side of the road. I stopped. In an instant I almost busted out in laughter. It was as if I had came back to my senses. There was not grizzly bearish monster in the shadows. It was just me out there.

I stood there, staring at a tree for a moment, wondering what had just come over me. Then, for whatever reason, I don't know, I looked back, knowing I would see nothing, but curiosity had the best of me. As I turned my head, I noticed it standing there on the edge of the road. I took one step closer to it, wondering what may be disturbing this peaceful evening stroll.

I took another step, then it bolted. To my realization it was nothing more than a barn cat, wandering the night as they often do. One would think that finding it was simply a cuddly feline would ease my spirit. Yet to the contrary my heart quickened and my legs brought me to a faster pace.

As I continued towards the safety of home, my head stayed turned watching the night creature run the other way. It wasn't until I reached the safety of my yard that I started to laugh uncontrollably at my current predicament. I was scarred off by a little kitty cat. The fear I felt was real. It gripped my entire body. I was paralyzed by it, destined to run by it's command.

In that moment I begin to realize that this was more than just a simple silly scary story, or a random happening. It was as if this incident was a summary of my entire life. I step out on a path into dark unknown, only to let irrational fear take me grab me and push me back to the safety and comfort of the familiar. I created a terrifying obstacle to my further advancement out of a human companion, who could do no more damaged than cause my nose to run, (allergies).

It got me thinking how often had I done this very thing in the past, watched opportunities go by me because I was too afraid to step out and face whatever was in the darkness of the unknown. How often do I let irrational fears hold me back from amazing opportunities that are just on the other side of the darkness?

Shall I continue to adventure out into the unknown, only to run back at the first hint of the terrible unknown? Or shall I learn to persevere through the terrible, instilling the instinct to fight instead of flight?

Answers I'm sure will come with time.

Maybe next time I will see the grizzly bear for what it is, a kitty cat.

simple words of complex means

2008-07-14T08:26:00.000-07:00

Above, You sit enthroned on High
The world below, a broken mirror
Misguided hearts veer
From creation's desire
Yet still you sit enthroned on High

Restore us, O God;
Make Your face shine on us,
that we may be saved.

Hope brought forth from on High
To rescue lives with Sacrifice
Left not to dice
In our hands
Hope brought forth from on High

Restore us, O God;
Make Your face shine on us,
that we may be saved.

Life now flies with wings on High
A beatiful portrait of redemption
Something now to mention
A verse on our lips
Life now flies with wings on High

Restore us, O God;
Make Your face shine on us,
that we may be saved.

Restore us, O God;
Make Your face shine on us,
that we may be saved

funny reality of teen star

2008-07-01T09:35:00.000-07:00

this was just funny

it starts today

2008-06-21T08:06:00.000-07:00

so I started to write something here, then I pulled it off, because I believe that part of the reason I have this next season off is to write. So here comes Chris' first attempt at being an author.

here's goes nothing...

10:52pm

2008-06-18T20:52:00.000-07:00

That is the current time. It's in that moment as my fingers begin to type that God reminds me of what's at hand.

And to quote Five Iron once again, "The End is Here"

It's been 4.5 days now of unemployment, I think my soul is in a little shock over it all. Don't get me wrong, I am rejoicing that the days of the bux are done, and that my life can focus around God, my wife and ministry. I am pumped for this next season.

I have a canidating weekend set up for the second full weekend in July. We're excited to get up to MN and see what God has in store. But nervous too. Hesitant to say the least. It's a youth pastor spot, and nothing against youth ministry, but I haven't thought this was the path for me in almost 10 years. It's a little odd in my head that God set me up for one thing and then brought me back to another.

Yet we serve a God who has the end game in mind. He knows where this road will end and it is very possible that the destination I desire will be there at the end.

I've had so many creative ideas about bringing new churches to birth since the bux gave me the boot, so much so that I'm beginning to wonder if I need to step out that way instead. I mean how cool would it be to see a church assembled weekly in the Amber Room at Mickey Finns. What a great spot for the LORD's people to reach out to this world with His revolution of love.

But is that just the dreamer in me, the Kermit the Frog Rainbow Connection, or is there something to that.

Alongside that, I sense a tug to write more again, not just blogs, but a book. How cool, exciting, scary is that?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

So here I sit at 11:02pm, waiting, wishing, hoping, praying

Lord, I know you will, but provide for us, both physically and directionally.

Faith Inspired

2008-06-06T08:09:00.000-07:00

So, to quote Five Iron Frenzy, "The End is Near"

I recently committed career suicide at Starbucks and as a result lose the security of the 40 hour salary job for the 20 if your lucky part time gig once again. The crazy thing is I couldn't be more happy. It's like even though it's going to take a miracle to get all the bills paid, we are exactly where we need to be.

The whole ordeal has been spurred by a reoccurance of the most time tested truth. The LORD is God. As such, He desires that we live completely committed to Him, even when the reasons are not clear. I've had a sense for some time now, a sense I try to ignore honestly, that I was trying to do it all on my own. I sought Starbucks out, I was earning the $$$. Somewhere along the line, I stopped relying on the Creator and relied on my strength as creation.

It was only after a faith smackdown that the LORD made this very clear. I couldn't ignore it any longer. My life is not mine to live as I please. So here I sit, 2 weeks away from losing almost half, if not more, of my current income and I couldn't be happier.

For this is me, living by the Hand of God and His provision. I don't know exactly what the next season holds. There are opportunities around the corner, but I'll let God decide what they are. For now, I'll work diligently on what He has already shown me.

So this is a Faith inspired by the Faithful One.
Enjoyed by all who come to the Son
A life soaring, as the eagle flies
Lived by the Spirit, never dies

In this moment I chose to follow Christ with nothing to my name.
In this moment I chose a better end then my own.
In this moment I chose not to chose, but to follow
In this moment I chose, I chose You

2007-11-21T22:03:00.000-08:00

so here I sit coming down again.
another six in past memories.
An ode in order, one two three

one your done, your company missed
two your through, your influence gone
three for me, times two
all enjoyed none for you

All to enjoy each sip
never, no never did I lose a drip

a silly rhyme at best enhanced
by darkness' sweetness or espresso's dance.

stay thirsty my friends

Hello

2007-10-17T09:31:00.000-07:00

Hey there cyber-world. How are you?

It's been a couple weeks since I've got a chance to say Hi. I hope you haven't missed me much.

Honestly, I really don't have much to say. I wish I could come up with something witty and insightful, I just haven't had anything to say as of late. Perhaps its just the speed of life catching up with me again and not giving me time to think. Perhaps its an unwillingness to think.

I did have an awesome time on the lake this morning. Sunrises are beautiful. I may have a book in the works, just maybe. (Of course this would be like the 5th time I've said that. hehehe)

Such is life.

148 days to go...

The Speed of Expectation

2007-10-03T22:02:00.000-07:00

So today, I had a conversation with a lady at work. It was very cordial. We started talking as I took her order, venti mocha I believe. As we chatted, my fellow barista handed her hand-crafted beverage to her and she said, "Wow! That was fast!" I responded with, "We try to be." That was the end of our conversation. As she walked away I began to think about our speed of service. We're trained to provided the best coffee based beverages as fast as we possibly can. We are charged to connect with our customers, show them we care, and get them out of there in 3 minutes or less.

So I'm coming home, as I do everyday, and, as most days, there's traffic. So I'm crawling down the road when I look up and see a tree. Now this is not something that is all that out of the ordinary, I mean I live in the county that basically carved its cities out of forests and then spends millions rebuilding them. But there was something unique about this tree. As I looked up I saw a lush green tree with two unusual spots. These two spots had already turned vibrant colors of orange and red.

These two situations bring home one reality. We live fast.

I live fast.

By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested from all his work. Then God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it he rested from all the work of creating that he had done.
Genesis 2:2-3

Speeding to Slow Down

2007-09-26T13:07:00.000-07:00

So I was driving home yesterday, and on my way home I encountered some unexpected traffic. Such is life in Chicago, so I sat, chilled relaxed, and realized that it really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. It's a relaxing drive and God used it to relax me and refresh my soul. Then traffic started moving again, so I just kept the chill pace, going the speed limit, or a little over, just grooving with the traffic around me.

Now I get to a spot that the road goes down to one lane either way, so I merge over, in step with 99% of the traffic on the road. Then there was the 1%. 1 car who was behind me tried to pass me as the lanes came together, realized he could not, let me in and then proceeded to flick me off and ride my tail for the next 6 miles. When the road did open up, he passes me, flicks me off as he does so and then gets in stop and go traffic right ahead of me. This guy was visibly pissed.

Now this did make me just sit back and laugh. How often do we let the little things in life stress us out and piss us off? How often do I let someone annoy the crap out of me? How ridiculous is that?

There are many things that are of more importance than us getting home those 15 seconds faster. There is so much more that we should express concern about ahead of the little clicks of someone else.

I think this all clicked for me when I sat with the cross this week. I've spent the better portion of the last 8 months just slowly walking through the book of Matthew. This past week I finished the book with a soul washing by the cross. I sat and let those final days and hours of Jesus' life wash over me. I'm seeking to let his final thoughts, emotions, actions be at the center of my thought life. It's in this process that the every day cares of this world seem to fade away. I can see a bigger picture. When I center myself on the cross, God's heart for the world becomes more evident in me.

"When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his glorious throne. All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.

"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'

"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'

"The King will reply, 'Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.'

"Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.'

"They also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?'

"He will reply, 'Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.'
"Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life."
Matthew 25:31-46

Late Night Muses

2007-09-21T22:38:00.000-07:00

So feeling a bit inspired, I thought I might take a dabble into the inner workings of life and such, and then I watched a commercial. It was for Beck's. A girl made a man choose between her and his dog. So where does he go to decide? A bar. What helps him make the decision? Beer. Yet at the end of the commercial we are still left with the question and two doors to pass through, Man's Best Friend or Man's Better Half. Which will he choose?

Crossroads happen everyday. Each one of us gets to a point and we have to make a decision and each decision shapes the outcome of our very life. Now I know that may seem extreme, but think about it, every choice we make determines the rest of our life. We have to deal with the consequences of each of those choices, as small as they may be. Why just yesterday, I lost the back to one of my earrings and so at 8:30pm I said, let's go to the mall and look for another. So Ash and I did and as we are walking out, who do we see at the top of the escalator, but our good friend Happy. Thus the decision to look, unsuccessfully I might add, for a new earring led to an unexpected delightful time in B & N with two of my favorite people.

I know I have a tendency to think to much, or to be too serious. But realities like these crossroads have always been evident to me. Balance that with my desire to have every moment of my life glorify my Creator and to find myself exactly where He wants me. Perhaps that is why the "big decisions" are even harder for me. I want to be exactly where God wants me to be, yet I cannot be certain where that is. There have been some pretty major decisions in my life where God was very clear, so clear it was almost like an audible voice. career/IL, but lately He has chosen to not show himself in the same way. It's like I've had the Burning bush signs...

Yet even as I type this, I realize my own ineptitude. It's not that He doesn't want to guide me, it's that I am not really seeking His guidance. It's that reality that's holding me back. I don't think I'm the only one out there. I let life get in the way. I yearn for these moments where I am wrapped up by God's very presence, yet I don't make room for them in my day. If I know anything it's that I need to re-prioritize my days.

It's only when I keep these moments a daily priority that I am able to face the daily crossroads with the certainty that God will lead me. It's only when I keep these moments that I can be confident that the door I choose will be the door He leads me to. So consider this an open call to anyone who's sat through this late night muse: Feel free to ask me if I've had my moment today.

When I shut up the heavens so that there is no rain, or command locusts to devour the land or send a plague among my people, if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land. Now my eyes will be open and my ears attentive to the prayers offered in this place.

2 Chronicles 7:13-15

A new leaf

2007-09-19T17:09:00.000-07:00

So it's been a long time since I've posted anything, anywhere. I had been a loyal xanga poster for years, but for whatever reason posting there has no appeal to me anymore. So here we are, we start anew. I hope this is a place where my fingers can express what my mind contemplates.

To all who may find me here, Hello.