Speeding to Slow Down

So I was driving home yesterday, and on my way home I encountered some unexpected traffic. Such is life in Chicago, so I sat, chilled relaxed, and realized that it really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. It's a relaxing drive and God used it to relax me and refresh my soul. Then traffic started moving again, so I just kept the chill pace, going the speed limit, or a little over, just grooving with the traffic around me.

Now I get to a spot that the road goes down to one lane either way, so I merge over, in step with 99% of the traffic on the road. Then there was the 1%. 1 car who was behind me tried to pass me as the lanes came together, realized he could not, let me in and then proceeded to flick me off and ride my tail for the next 6 miles. When the road did open up, he passes me, flicks me off as he does so and then gets in stop and go traffic right ahead of me. This guy was visibly pissed.

Now this did make me just sit back and laugh. How often do we let the little things in life stress us out and piss us off? How often do I let someone annoy the crap out of me? How ridiculous is that?

There are many things that are of more importance than us getting home those 15 seconds faster. There is so much more that we should express concern about ahead of the little clicks of someone else.

I think this all clicked for me when I sat with the cross this week. I've spent the better portion of the last 8 months just slowly walking through the book of Matthew. This past week I finished the book with a soul washing by the cross. I sat and let those final days and hours of Jesus' life wash over me. I'm seeking to let his final thoughts, emotions, actions be at the center of my thought life. It's in this process that the every day cares of this world seem to fade away. I can see a bigger picture. When I center myself on the cross, God's heart for the world becomes more evident in me.

"When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his glorious throne. All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.

"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'

"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'

"The King will reply, 'Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.'

"Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.'

"They also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?'

"He will reply, 'Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.'
"Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life."
Matthew 25:31-46

Late Night Muses

So feeling a bit inspired, I thought I might take a dabble into the inner workings of life and such, and then I watched a commercial. It was for Beck's. A girl made a man choose between her and his dog. So where does he go to decide? A bar. What helps him make the decision? Beer. Yet at the end of the commercial we are still left with the question and two doors to pass through, Man's Best Friend or Man's Better Half. Which will he choose?

Crossroads happen everyday. Each one of us gets to a point and we have to make a decision and each decision shapes the outcome of our very life. Now I know that may seem extreme, but think about it, every choice we make determines the rest of our life. We have to deal with the consequences of each of those choices, as small as they may be. Why just yesterday, I lost the back to one of my earrings and so at 8:30pm I said, let's go to the mall and look for another. So Ash and I did and as we are walking out, who do we see at the top of the escalator, but our good friend Happy. Thus the decision to look, unsuccessfully I might add, for a new earring led to an unexpected delightful time in B & N with two of my favorite people.

I know I have a tendency to think to much, or to be too serious. But realities like these crossroads have always been evident to me. Balance that with my desire to have every moment of my life glorify my Creator and to find myself exactly where He wants me. Perhaps that is why the "big decisions" are even harder for me. I want to be exactly where God wants me to be, yet I cannot be certain where that is. There have been some pretty major decisions in my life where God was very clear, so clear it was almost like an audible voice. career/IL, but lately He has chosen to not show himself in the same way. It's like I've had the Burning bush signs...

Yet even as I type this, I realize my own ineptitude. It's not that He doesn't want to guide me, it's that I am not really seeking His guidance. It's that reality that's holding me back. I don't think I'm the only one out there. I let life get in the way. I yearn for these moments where I am wrapped up by God's very presence, yet I don't make room for them in my day. If I know anything it's that I need to re-prioritize my days.

It's only when I keep these moments a daily priority that I am able to face the daily crossroads with the certainty that God will lead me. It's only when I keep these moments that I can be confident that the door I choose will be the door He leads me to. So consider this an open call to anyone who's sat through this late night muse: Feel free to ask me if I've had my moment today.


When I shut up the heavens so that there is no rain, or command locusts to devour the land or send a plague among my people, if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land. Now my eyes will be open and my ears attentive to the prayers offered in this place.

2 Chronicles 7:13-15

A new leaf

So it's been a long time since I've posted anything, anywhere. I had been a loyal xanga poster for years, but for whatever reason posting there has no appeal to me anymore. So here we are, we start anew. I hope this is a place where my fingers can express what my mind contemplates.


To all who may find me here, Hello.